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"Feelin’ The Same Way"Written By: Dùlin Fic #26 In the Thirty Kisses Arc Archive: This arc is archived on this site with permission. Do not reproduce it anywhere without permission. Pairing : 4+1 (Quatre Raberba Winner/Heero Yuy) Rating : PG-13 Warnings : canon-ness continuation, angst. Disclaimer : Those yummy boys belong to Sunrise and Bandai. Which are not me. Feelin’ The Same Way is a song by Norah Jones, who has given me quite a lot of inspiration for titles lately. But she’s not me. Or I’m not her, whichever way you prefer.
"Feelin’ The Same Way"
Quatre’s head shot up when he heard the door open. Heero was as quiet as usual, but Quatre had been waiting for hours for him to come back, and the sound of the lock was enough to rouse him from his light doze. He didn’t know why Heero had accepted to come live here with him. He did know why he had asked. He had been afraid to ask, because it was so selfish of him, after all. He had been even more afraid when Heero had said yes. Because, he was afraid to read more into that simple word than what Heero had meant by it. Heero stopped in the living room, noticing the young man curled up on the loveseat. His face expressed absolutely nothing. For a moment, they just looked at each other. Then, Quatre slowly disentangled himself from the blanket covering him and got up, grimacing a smile he didn’t mean. “I’m going to bed”, he whispered, as if breaking the silence was sacrilegious. But as he passed by Heero, the Japanese young man put a hand on his shoulder. Quatre stopped dead, his heart beating far too fast and his breathing suddenly too short. He had to make an effort not to jump, but somehow, he managed it. But he didn’t turn around, because he was sure his face was flaming red and there was no way Heero would not notice it. “Why do you do this to yourself ?”, Heero asked in a murmur. This time, Quatre did jump. Shocked, he slowly turned around to face the man he had been in love with for so long, eyes wide. So Heero did know, after all. Then why had he accepted Quatre’s offer ? Why had Quatre asked in the first place ? The truth was, he had had no idea that he could be such a masochist before he had asked. “I don’t know”, he answered softly. “What’s in this for you, Quatre ?”, Heero insisted. Quatre smiled sadly. “Does it matter ? I just want to help you, that’s all.” “But who is going to help you ?” “I don’t know”, Quatre said again. Heero’s eyes dropped to the ground, and Quatre breathed a bit more freely. Being under the scrutiny of Heero’s gaze was an experience … that left marks. “I just don’t understand”, Heero said, as if talking to himself. “I am grateful for everything you did for me, but if this is causing you that much pain, maybe I should go …” “Don’t !” It was Heero’s turn to jump slightly when he found himself hugged tightly, Quatre’s head nestled in the crook of his neck. “I know what you think, Heero. That you’re not worth it. That I’m wasting my time. Sometimes it even feels like you can’t wait for me to kick you out. But you always come back.” Chastising green-blue eyes looked up. “I don’t care what this is doing to me, you know. The only thing that matters right now is that you need me. And I can’t stay away if you need me. I won’t give up on you, even if you feel like giving up on yourself.” Heero was looking at him helplessly. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Heero. I swear that wasn’t my intention. But … I just can’t help feeling that way. Just, please … don’t go. It’ll be worse if you go.” “I am hurting you”, Heero protested quietly. “I know. But if that’s the only thing I can get from you, then I’ll take it.” This time, it was Heero who hugged him, and for a moment, Quatre lost himself into that embrace. He could even imagine all of his dreams had come true. Then a small voice reached his ear. “I am so sorry, Quatre. But … I can’t.” The strong arms withdrew, and the cold hit Quatre harder than before. Heero silently went away to his own room after one last look back. Feeling defeated, Quatre just went back to the loveseat and wrapped himself in the blanket again. He didn’t feel like going to sleep into his empty room right now anyway. He just looked in the void, towards the empty hall into which Heero had disappeared. “You can’t … but you keep coming back.
Why do you keep coming back ?” And I’m feelin’ the same way all over again OWARI |
